一句話教你認出世界名畫作者

孤寂如雲

If everyone in the paintings has enormous asses, then it's Rubens.
如果畫裏的每個人都有個大屁股，那是魯本斯。




If all the men look like cow-eyed curly-haired women, it's Caravaggio.
畫裏是大眼睛又卷毛的娘炮，那就是卡拉瓦喬。



If everybody has some sort of body malfunction, then it's Picasso.
如果畫裏的人都有那麼些殘疾部位，那就是畢加索。




If it’s something you saw on your acid trip last night, it's Dali.
畫就跟你昨晚嗑藥High了之後看見的東西似的，那是達利。




If the images have a dark background and everyone has tortured expressions on their faces, it's Titian.
畫裏背景都黑不隆冬的，臉上表情都跟受盡了折磨似的，必是提香。




If the paintings have tons of little people in them but otherwise seem normal, it's Bruegel.
如果畫裏全都是一坨一坨小人兒，看起來卻還挺正常的話，是勃魯蓋爾。



If the paintings have lots of little people in them but also have a ton of crazy bullshit, it's Bosch.
如果畫裏有一坨一坨小人兒，但還有一坨一坨操蛋東西的話，波西。



If everyone – including the women – looks like Putin, then it's van Eyck.
如果每個人都長著副死氣沉沉普京臉，那是凡艾克。



If everyone looks like hobos illuminated only by a dim streetlamp, it's Rembrandt.
如果畫裏的每個人物都像昏暗街燈下的流浪漢，那是倫勃朗。



If the painting could easily have a few chubby Cupids or sheep added (or already has them), it's Boucher.
如果畫裏動不動就一群圓滾滾丘比特或者山羊，那是布歇。



If everyone is beautiful, naked, and stacked, it's Michelangelo.
如果畫作裏有俊男美女並且人壓人，那是米開朗琪羅。




If you see a ballerina, it's Degas.
畫芭蕾舞娘的是埃德加·德加。



If every painting is the face of a uni-browed woman, it's Frida.
畫中是個有連心眉的女人，那是弗里達畫的。



If everything is highly-contrasted and sharp, sort of bluish, and everyone has gaunt bearded faces, it's El Greco.
如果畫裏的每樣東西都明暗對比強烈、邊緣銳利，還總透著點藍窪窪，人物又都鬍子拉碴憔悴不堪，得，是格列柯。



Dappled light but no figures, it's Monet.
充滿光斑，景物沒個清晰輪廓，克勞德·莫奈。



Dappled light and happy party-time people, it's Renoir.
光斑，外加快快樂樂的Party，雷諾阿。



Dappled light and unhappy party-time people, then it's Manet.
光斑，外加愁眉苦臉的Party，馬奈。



Lord of the Rings landscapes with weird blue mist and the same wavy-haired aristocratic-nose Madonna, it's Da Vinci.
景色像《指環王》裏一樣壯闊，卻籠罩著怪怪的藍色迷霧；聖母瑪利亞總有著同樣的捲髮與貴族式的鼻子。這是達芬奇（達文西）。




充滿填充色塊的Excel表格，蒙德里安。


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